i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
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