Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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