pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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