Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
no, he came in my armpit
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
