It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
