you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
