The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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