I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
