so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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