Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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