I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
