The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
