She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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