Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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