Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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