I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
