i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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