Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Randomize
