it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
