it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
