i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
