If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
