He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
