The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
