You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
