So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
