I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
