I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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