Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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