So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
