Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
