Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Randomize
