I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
