I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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