well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
