1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
You made out with two different species that night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
