My pussy is not your playground.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
