what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
