she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
