I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
