Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
