So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
