Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
