I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
