party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
