Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
