Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
