Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
