I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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