You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
