Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
