I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
