Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
