Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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