he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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