Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
my nose is crying tears of wow.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
